Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Newport Bridge
It was a beautiful brisk New England spring morning. My cousin, Susan, and I had set out on a new adventure. I had always liked to drive and that day was a beautiful day for driving. The sun shone down on our faces, warming the car delicately. The wind began to pick up as we headed for the coast. Within forty-five minutes we had made it from the Connecticut/Rhode Island border to the Newport Bridge. The wind picked up as we began to drive over the bridge, the waves crashed against the rocks on the shore of Narragansett Bay. We could hear the lapping water and the cry of the seagulls. I could smell the ocean in the misty spray while we crossed the bridge. We soon came to the other side where the Newport Bridge Toll was located; they no longer accepted the bridge tokens which had always marked a trip to the beach while I was growing up. Times had changed, this was more apparent than ever. This changed marked an overwhelming change in mood for me. I suddenly began to feel panicky. I knew this trip was different; it was not all for fun. I had my actions set in my mind, and for fear that I might back away from my itinerary I had brought Susan, who I knew would not let me leave without completing the tasks at hand. I had to calm myself first; I saw the sign for the Ocean Drive and turned quickly. This is where I always felt safe, driving down the coast and losing my thoughts in the vast ocean.
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I love the auditory and visual description of the ocean. But then again, the ocean is one of my favorite places to be, so that's probably why.
ReplyDeleteMy only suggestion is to shorten this sentence:
We soon came to the other side where the Newport Bridge Toll was located; they no longer accepted the bridge tokens which had always marked a trip to the beach while I was growing up.
Even though you do break it up with a semicolon, they no longer accepted the bridge tokens which had always marked a trip to the beach while I was growing up seems too long to be a single sentence fragment.
I love the sentence, "we could hear the lapping water and the cry of the seagulls. I could smell the ocan in the misty spray while we crossed the bridge." It is an absolutely beautiful visualization. It's not just the chirp of the seagulls--but the cry of them. What a great use of diction!
ReplyDeleteI also enjoyed your specifications of where you were--how you used specific names and places.
The only suggestion I'll make is rephrasing the introduction. The second sentence appears a little cliche--"a new adventure." A simple rephrasing will make it more unique and special, I think.
- Liz Long